2008 Darwin Awards

Minidave · Post by **Minidave** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:14 pm

Subject: 2008 Darwin awards

You've been waiting for them, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

Eighth Place

In DetroitDetroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San FranciscoSan Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally
zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom when it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People
on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around
at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the
window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around
Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , GermanyPaderborn , Germany
) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.. 'Shit
happens'.

THEY WALK AMOUNG US....

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
FROM THE GENE POOL.

DDodge · Post by **DDodge** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:57 pm

The runner-up is disqualified because he survived and did not lose his reproductive bits!

Do you know the last words of a redneck?

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Hey, y'all, watch this!

Minidave · Post by **Minidave** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:47 pm

Or,

Here, hold my beer.................

Post by **MiniManiac** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:58 pm

Very nice. I always enjoy the Darwin Awards.